Today marks the beginning of Baby Loss Awareness Week and for Hailey and I, this is always an important time of year. As midwives, we have often walked with others during and after the loss of their baby. It is a path that is overwhelming, shocking and deeply sad but one that can be beautiful and powerful too. Tom and Emma came to our antenatal classes and we are so very honoured that they have offered to share their beautiful birth story with us. Sadly, many parents will never get to take their babies home but that does not make their birth stories or parenting journeys any less important. Thank you Tom and Emma for telling Eleanor’s story.
Our daughter Eleanor, our firstborn, arrived on the bright and sunny morning of 9th May 2023. She was born at 41+3 weeks, weighed 7lb 8oz and was absolutely perfect in every way.
She had died two days earlier.
Despite my age (35), I had enjoyed a blissfully uncomplicated, low risk pregnancy. We hit every milestone with nervous joy; measurements, scans, hearing heartbeats, buying all the
paraphernalia, decorating a nursery, and attending ante-natal classes online and with Grow + Gather. We felt ready and eager to become new parents.
Eleanor moved around a lot, but at 38+1 weeks I noticed her movements had reduced and so attended triage at the hospital. After a full battery of tests, all was well, and we were sent home with a sense of relief. But exactly 3 weeks later, at 41+1 weeks, we were back at the hospital with a lack of movement from Eleanor. This time, our world collapsed. We heard the worst five words imaginable - “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat”.
Just like any other baby, Eleanor still needed to be born. It seems strange now, but in the middle of our shock and horror we immediately forgot this obvious fact. The hospital team explained that the outcomes for my body and for any future pregnancy would be much better with a vaginal birth, not a caesarean. After taking some medication to prepare my body for labour, we were sent home for 24 hours.
The following afternoon, anxious and already exhausted, we returned to hospital to begin the induction process in a special bereavement suite away from the main labour ward. I laboured for around 12 hours, with minimal pain relief, and delivered Eleanor unassisted at 6.53am. The room was silent. Eleanor was immediately placed upon my chest and Tom cut the cord. I am very proud to have brought Eleanor into this world. I experienced a few complications during the birth; I suffered a third-degree tear, and a retained placenta that required manual removal, leading to a moderate postpartum haemorrhage and a blood transfusion. Stillbirth labour is reported to be even harder than for living babies, since the baby isn’t able to help get into position with their natural movements. Despite the circumstances being so horribly different, we felt prepared for many aspects of labour and birth, and we thank Grow+Gather for helping us with the preparation.
Eleanor was our sleeping beauty. Her skin was so smooth and her facial features so delicate. She had a full head of dark hair, a cute button nose, rosy lips, my chubby pink cheeks and her Dad’s chubby chin. Her eyes were closed but Tom insists that they would have been blue, like mine. Everything about her was exactly as you might expect from a perfect newborn - except she never woke. We spent nearly 4 days in hospital with Eleanor. We took photos, talked to her, read her stories and played music, held her and slept beside her. Her grandparents were able to visit and meet her. Using the Memory Box provided by the charity, SiMBA, we captured her footprints and handprints using ink and clay. I cannot begin to express how important and precious this time was for us all.
Eleanor was stillborn; but she was still born.
We know that talking about baby loss is hard. But the more we talk about things like stillbirth the easier it is for people to ask questions, to seek help or to get support if they need it. We need to break the silence that surrounds stillbirth. We need people to know that it can happen, that they are not to blame and that there is so much support available if they need it
If you have been affected by baby loss and want to reach out, then please do get in touch. We would love to hear from you.
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