In our last blog post (which I realise was last year!) we looked at the role of birth partners - who they are and how they can help. Today, we are thinking a little about practical ways that a birth partner can support you. Being a birth partner is a big job and it is so important that the person supporting you during your birth feels calm, confident and prepped for the role. It’s not just a tip up and hope for the best situation. So what kind of support might you need during the birth of your baby? And how can your birth partner make sure you get that support? Read on for Grow+Gather’s top tips!
Emotional Support
This is a biggy. During labour, you need to know that you are safe and that you have the best team around you possible. If you feel safe, this will enhance your oxytocin levels which will work to make contractions strong and powerful. Anxiety or worry are not helpful during labour and surges of adrenaline can inhibit all those love hormones that contribute towards the flow of labour. So how can birth partners provide emotional support? How about;
Offering words of encouragement and reassurance
Helping with breathing exercises and relaxation techniques
Creating a calming environment with music, low lights, or essential oils
Being a consistent presence through every contraction and every break
Many women find that simply having a hand to hold or a familiar face to focus on helps them stay calm, grounded, and focused throughout labour.
Physical Support
The sensations of labour and birth are intense. Contractions are often experienced in different ways and in different parts of the body depending on your baby’s position for example. You can’t be sure what will bring comfort on the day but we definitely recommend having a chat with your birth partner about what you might need physically. Just because something wasn’t helpful initially, doesn’t mean it wont work another time so birth partners, keep trying! Why not try;
Learning a few basic massage techniques for back or shoulder pain
Offer cooling cloths or warm compresses
Staying flexible and responsive to cues and preferences—what feels good one moment might change in the next!
Ice cubes or frozen fruit to offer distraction and comfort
A comb that can be held and squeezed (by the labouring person but you can use it too!)
Slow, deep calm breathes (for everyone!)
Offering a change of position
Birth Partners use your BRAIN
Many of you will be familiar with the BRAIN acronym. It’s something we talk about in our classes and midwives might discuss it during antenatal appointments. It stands for - Benefits, Risks, Alternatives, Instinct (intellect/intuition) and Nothing. So if a certain treatment or intervention is being discussed or offered then you can have a wee think about what the benefits and risks are associated with that intervention (and remember, everyone feels differently about risk), are there any alternatives, what does your gut tell you and what about if you don’t do anything? So in relation to induction for example, you might want to ask what the risks and benefits might be of being induced, as well as the risks and benefits of not being induced. If there is a discussion about a certain risk eg stillbirth it might be a good idea to try and find out what the actual numbers are that are associated with this. Remember, being told something ‘doubles’ or ‘halves’ isn’t always helpful if you haven’t been told a starting number! And are there any alternatives to being induced? What does your instinct or intellect tell you? What have you read or seen that might be impacting your decision and is it reliable, helpful information? What about doing nothing?
I could write a whole blog post about the BRAIN acronym because I think it’s very helpful in one way but also, quite stressful in another. It’s asking parents to make big decisions about aspects of care they might not feel confident in making decisions about. And sometimes, there can be a lot of pressure to make the ‘right’ decision according to what healthcare professionals think!
For birth partners it can be really hard to navigate this space but remember, your partner just needs to focus on breathing and moving and birthing a baby so why not make sure you;
Familiarize themselves with your birth plan in advance
Have a discussion with your partner about birth preferences in ALL eventualities, not just plan A
Actively listen and ask questions when interventions are recommended
Ask for some time to quietly discuss the options together
Offer reassurance if changes need to be made, supporting your partner through those transitions
Be flexible
Postnatal Support
I recently wrote a post about postnatal planning and I would really recommend reading that post here. Having an understanding of postnatal planning and what it means will stand everyone in good stead for the first few weeks at home. It’s important to have open and honest discussions about visitors and how people can help. Some ideas might be;
Help with household tasks, like cooking, cleaning, and caring for other children
Support with infant care, such as nappy changes and soothing the baby
Taking baby for a walk or a bounce in the sling to ensure your partner can get some rest
Ensure your partner is keeping hydrated
Antenatal Support
Birth partners don’t need to be experts. There is no expectation that birth partners will know everything and it’s ok to have feelings of worry or anxiety. That’s normal! I really do think that antenatal preparation is key to birth partner success though! At our Grow+Gather classes, it can be pretty common for the birthing person to have read all the books and listened to podcasts and to be feeling pretty confident about how labour could unfold. Partners are often a little less prepared! It may not be happening to your body, but you are a team and it is so important that you feel calm and confident before and during the big day! I would suggest;
Open and honest discussions together about birth preferences and any worries or fears you might have
Finding a helpful podcast or book and reading/listening together
Practice some breathing exercises or labour positions together
Try some massage too! This way, it will be more familiar and you will feel more confident trying it during labour.
Attend Antenatal Classes
And last, but by no means least, attend antenatal classes or an active birth class together! Being able to discuss birth preferences, try techniques and learn together is so, so important. Classes are a great way for birth partners to learn about the birthing process as well as pain relief options, other types of birth and how they can be the best, most supportive birth partner possible. Our Gather classes are totally open, friendly and great fun with a chance for birth partners to chat together and learn from each other. Remember to trust yourself - you know your partner best and that’s true in pregnancy, labour or once baby has arrived.
Hailey and I would love to meet you and help guide you through this amazing and daunting journey. We promise we wont make you role play a birth or anything daft. And I know antenatal classes sound awkward and uncomfortable but I promise you, ours aren’t! We have loads of five star reviews on google and lots of them are from birth partners who left our classes feeling calm, confident and prepared.
We would love you to join us!
@growandgatheredinburgh
Comments